Valuing Weakness

Valuing Weakness
By Jesse Dillinger

One of the most powerful things you can do as a pastor is delicately, selectively and strategically acknowledge your own weaknesses. The minute you do, the congregation relates to you. When done properly, the result is not humiliation, but a proper and necessary demonstration of humility. At that moment you’re not only a teacher, but a leader.

The next most powerful thing you can do is explain how you successfully dealt with that weakness. The minute you do, the congregation is infused with hope. After all, there you are, up where God is using you to teach and lead us. So, if you have weaknesses and He uses you, then our weaknesses need not stop us from serving and succeeding alongside you!

Over the years, I've listened to wonderful pastors preach the Word of God. I’ve also watched the responses of their congregations. I've found that without a human face on the pastor, the preaching is received in a more detached fashion than when the pastor is seen as real. The Holy Spirit is perfectly capable of making the message known in the exact way He intends it to be made known. The issue is less about the work of the Holy Spirit in the process than the authenticity of the body of Christ and how that authenticity opens immediate doors to growth and maturity.

I thank God that I've lived in a time of great pastors. Oh, how we need you! I’ve heard it said that it’s not about the man... it’s about the message, but that isn't true. It's about both: the man and the message; the message of our Redeemer and the man redeemed. We are two-legged evidence in an infinite court. And as pastors, you are direct and proclaimed evidence to the congregation, your staff and your family.

As pastors, you’re always more than what you say. You're one of us, especially called out from among us to teach and lead us. If an imaginary partition arises between us that suggests you are without the weaknesses with which we struggle, we cannot know you.

Unfortunately, that happens sometimes. It's not intentional. It's just that the power of the Gospel is enormous and when you repeatedly stand in front of us and proclaim the very Word of God, some in the body of Christ come to see you as superhuman. We all know that that is eventually followed by a usually vocal and less flattering appraisal! How do I know that? Well, it’s my job.

For more than a decade, I've been much like the third side of a coin--that narrow band encircling the coin, touching both sides at once and remaining in-between the two. In my role as a marriage and family therapist, I deal with both sides of the church. Flip the coin one way and I'm offering support and counsel to a member of the congregation. Flip the coin the other way and I'm dealing with the pastor and the staff. It's an incredibly privileged position that the Lord has placed me in and I count on Him for the wisdom and discernment needed to serve Him there. If I couldn’t count on Him, I'd go ahead and run for the hills...fast! In addition, through Leadership Support Services, I provide various consultations for Christians in leadership positions across the country and their staff.

Often, I'm hearing and dealing with opposing sides of the same situation. You may think that that's a conflict, but it's not. As Christians, we’re all on the same side, the side of truth and righteousness. I have seen though that unchecked weaknesses can logjam a church, diminishing its influence in the community and causing grief within the church body.

That's one of the reasons I wrote Winning Over Weaknesses. I wanted to give pastors and church leaders a tool to help them deal with and help those around them who are struggling with weaknesses, those self-defeating tendencies we all have to varying degrees. I wanted to provide them with a tool they could pass on to their congregation, to help the church body grow and move beyond the camouflaged constraints of the past. Let me tell you a part of what I've come to understand about weaknesses.

Our weaknesses are instruments for the application of grace to our lives. They're virtually treasure chests of growth and glory. How so? When we face them, our attention is immediately drawn to our own sin and inadequacies, driving us to a deeper appreciation of God’s love, mercy and forgiveness. We see our need for the Lord more clearly and the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We reach out to God and his Word for what we can't supply and He responds. In the process, we understand ourselves, God and His Word more intimately as our faith grows. We learn experientially and demonstrate to those with whom we share our struggles, the truth, that self-reliance is futile and dangerous. We grow in our dependence upon the Lord.

As we share these weaknesses with others in the body of Christ who pray for us and counsel us, opportunities are provided for the body of Christ to work together as it should, with everyone developing their gifts, faith and depth of compassion. When we acknowledge our weaknesses and deal with them Biblically, the body of Christ demonstrates His power, grace and hope to the world for which He died. When we've faced our weaknesses and found that even they are fodder for our good and his glory, our hearts begin to stretch toward heaven and eternity with Jesus. Growing more consumed with Him than with ourselves, we've become stronger. This is why it’s so important that our pastors lead us in acknowledging and dealing with weaknesses.

I remember Billy Graham being interviewed on television talking about having struggled with doubts. Can you imagine how many Christians around the world were comforted by that disclosure? He's human and I have no doubt that he’d be the first to admit his weaknesses. But, I'm equally sure the disclosure would be followed immediately by an explanation of the sufficiency of grace. That's because they go together, weaknesses and grace. To preach one without the other is to tell Christians what they have in Christ, but not how to access it. Let me give you a ten-point plan for helping your congregation deal with their weaknesses.

TEN POINT PLAN FOR WINNING OVER WEAKNESSES

Discover your own weaknesses first.
This will help prevent the moats and beams dynamic. And it will train you in how to train others.
Defer to the Holy Spirit.
Pray that God will reveal your own weaknesses to you.
Define your weaknesses.
Notice repeated thoughts or behaviors that are not righteous. They are tendencies, not one time incidents. Examples: Do I tend to act out in anger? Do I tend to be defensive? Do I tend to be insensitive? Controlling? Critical? Insecure? Jealous? etc.
Detach your weaknesses from one another.
Deal with them individually. Weaknesses tend to exist in clusters, each weakness relating to the other. (I call them companion weaknesses in Winning Over Weaknesses.)
Disclose your weaknesses to your accountability partner.
Example: I have a tendency to ___________. Keep them updated on what you’re learning.
Determine what activates the weaknesses.
What occurred just before the weakness made its appearance? What's usually going on when you tend to think or act this way? Examples: Just before I got angry, I noticed a cell phone ringing. I tend to feel insecure when I’m talking with ____________. (This will reveal any underlying weakness. In these examples, they may be tendencies toward being controlling and tendencies to need excessive approval.)
Determine the origin of the weaknesses.
Most weaknesses tend to develop over time. Find out how long you've had this tendency. You may ask, "How long have I tended to act out in anger? How far back can I remember feeling insecure?" (This lets you know that this is a pattern that has developed over time and that it’s not just about the current incident.)
Determine the contributors to developing the weakness.
Did someone else in my life demonstrate this tendency? Was there something in my environment that encouraged this tendency to develop? (This will tell you why you developed the weakness.)
Determine what maintains the weakness.
Justification? Blame? Denial? Distorted thinking? (This will tell you about more weaknesses, such as these four, that have developed in order to maintain the first weakness.)
Determine the goal of the weakness.
What was the end result of the weakness? As an example: What happened when I acted out in anger? People did what I wanted. The goal of the weakness was to be in control. Now I have yet another weakness to add to acting out in anger...needing to be in control. Can you see how weaknesses travel in clusters?

Finally...

Question whether the goal of the weakness is a righteous goal.
Examples: Is the goal self-protection? Protection of someone else?
If the goal of the weakness is righteous, then determine a righteous way of reaching that goal.
Example: Rather than tending to act out in anger to protect yourself or others, develop the skills of clear and edifying communication and trusting God as your defense.
If the goal of the weakness isn’t righteous, then it’s a weakness that must be tracked down just as with the original weakness.
Example: Is the goal of the weakness to protect yourself or someone else when there is no need for such protection? Then the tendency to be overly self-protective or overly protective of others is a weakness in itself.

We know that weaknesses are raw materials for righteous living. That’s why we can take joy in them rather than run from them. By exploring each weakness and insisting upon its thorough conformity to Biblical truth, we take what could have destroyed us and turn it instead into what will support us. As we do, we'll be Winning Over Weaknesses one by one, transforming them into strengths and eliminating what stands in the way of becoming all that God wants us to be.

Heard on Janet Parshall's America, Billy Graham Association's Decision Today, Focus on the Family’s Renewing the Heart and radio programs across America, Jesse Dillinger brings insight, inspiration and a touch of humor into her speaking. Jesse serves as Director of Jesse Dillinger & Associates & Leadership Support Services. You can contact her for speaking and consulting at:

Blessings!

This article is used by permission from Dr. Dan Reiland's free monthly e-newsletter 'The Pastor's Coach' available at www.INJOY.com.